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Darkest, Sickest jokes thread

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pax
Darkest, Sickest jokes thread

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY DARK HUMOUR YOU MIGHT AS WELL FUCK OFF NOW! :p
there's pretty much something to offend pretty much everyone!
Now the idea behind this thread is for people to place the sickest, darkest, most politically incorrect jokes you can muster!
a thread where you can let rip the sickest jokes in your repertoire....
I shall give a few wee starters to give you an idea.

Q.What did the deaf, dumb, blind, downs syndrome, quadriplegic baby get for christmas?

A.Cancer

-
Did you know Michael Jackson is to attended the Priory Clinic after the trial to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit?

-
Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick.

Boss:- How sick are you?

Me:- Well i am fucking my sister
-
Q.whats grey, square, sits and the end of your bed and takes the pisss?

A.kidney dialysis machine
-
Q. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head?
A. Partially disabled.
-
Q. What's the similarity between a carton of milk and a woman?
A. They both need their flaps pushed back before you can get to the
good bits.
-
Q. What's 14inchs long, purple and makes women scream?
A. Cot-death
-
Q.what's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth?
A. you can't gargle sand
-
In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
-
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
"You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour."
-
whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair in the pot!

OK FOLKS! let rip! impress the fuck out me and gimme a laugh!

stiffy
How can you tell if your best friend is gay?

You can taste shit on his cock.

pax
stiffy wrote:
stiffy wrote:

You can taste shit on his cock.

well it's just a matter of taste

flaurora_sonora
Relevant

A woman is walking home, socially distancing herself using a side road to avoid a crowd. She is mugged by a released prisoner who gets turned on by her prim mask and face-fucks her, his fetish triggered by the novel way to violate, because he's also into protection. He takes the mask as a souvenir and helps himself to a pawpaw from her grocery bag as he leaves.

She staggers into the queue of an empty clinic, huffing and coughing. She has to be screened for coronavirus and have a chip plunged into her flesh. All kinds of red flags are set off without her knowledge (confidentiality is important) then she's finally examined. She gets turned away by a nurse in a hazmat suit: "Technically, this isn't rape. There's no evidence of penetration."

She exits in a daze and is mugged again. This time she has her other holes impaled until she's unconscious. The socially-conscious mugger leaves wearing her panties as a mask and she's found collapsed in the street and taken to another hospital. The doctor, being diligent, notices that her airway is irritated consistent with the diagnosis from her chip and so hooks her up to a ventilator. He gets turned on by her panting and puffy lips then jizzes into a face mask, making sure she's still getting mechanically blown just like he wishes he was.

She dies and the doctors high-five each other for the murder of a rape victim that just made them 39k richer.

pax
flaurora_sonora wrote:
flaurora_sonora wrote:

A woman is walking home, socially distancing herself using a side road to avoid a crowd. She is mugged by a released prisoner who gets turned on by her prim mask and face-fucks her, his fetish triggered by the novel way to violate, because he's also into protection. He takes the mask as a souvenir and helps himself to a pawpaw from her grocery bag as he leaves.
She staggers into the queue of an empty clinic, huffing and coughing. She has to be screened for coronavirus and have a chip plunged into her flesh. All kinds of red flags are set off without her knowledge (confidentiality is important) then she's finally examined. She gets turned away by a nurse in a hazmat suit: "Technically, this isn't rape. There's no evidence of penetration."
She exits in a daze and is mugged again. This time she has her other holes impaled until she's unconscious. The socially-conscious mugger leaves wearing her panties as a mask and she's found collapsed in the street and taken to another hospital. The doctor, being diligent, notices that her airway is irritated consistent with the diagnosis from her chip and so hooks her up to a ventilator. He gets turned on by her panting and puffy lips then jizzes into a face mask, making sure she's still getting mechanically blown just like he wishes he was.
She dies and the doctors high-five each other for the murder of a rape victim that just made them 39k richer.

did you miss the lessons on humour?... what part of "joke" don't you get?
desperately unfunny

crystalfarm45
i really liked that this is high quality thoughtful content

i really liked that this is high quality thoughtful content

crystalfarm45
Dark humor is like clean water...not everyone get's it...

Not everyone gets hit, either.
And you know what? Last year, 9/11 turned eighteen. That's right!
What can we expect from these great news? Well, one thing is for sure.
911 is a Porsche...and guess what...it might even have twin turbos, this time around :)

crystalfarm45
Deviant phonography pre-versions

Firstly, the overall situation is such, that it probably wouldn't be too weird anymore to automatically assume child pornography is something made by children, for children, whatever the definition may be. Like there's this popular treat from Germany called "Kinder Delice", which if one does not know the exact linguistic grammar, a minor mistake could end up completely warping the context. Something like it going from "Tasty treat: For kids. Delicious" to "Tasty children. Premium". Can you really tell the difference? Like in the movie, "Dr. Strangelove: How I learned to love the atomic bomb", there's a scene where an officer warns another not to use any deviant phonography pre-versions and that in case of the failure of his last-ditch plan, he will have to answer to the Coca-Cola company, which can be a rather delicate and serious issue either way, but also very funny. A phonography pre-version would be something like having thought of what to say when someone surprises you with a common question over the telephone, like: "Are you a cat or dog person?", it's easier this way. That could be like obtaining a few actual samples of the rumored "Coca-Cola Classic" that allegedly contained cocaine, opening one for testing-verification-sample analysis and the others as extra, and instead of trying to leverage the company for it, one could go "Look at what THEY've done, ruined a good thing", something that could really go either way. It's called peer pressure. There's a reason why it's still rumored to be rather refreshing :D Fine print: Nailing children by means of fucking could come recommended by respected members of the clergy and family-people alike from all walks of life. Ask your local representative, if this is right for you.

crystalfarm45
911 was a significant day for all, myself included

i got one or maybe two days off of school, depending on negotiation ability,
a highly appreciated and cheerful event in this context in absolutely any case...
last year 911 turned 18 so watch out for the big 21,
2022/09/11

what do people get when they turn 21 anyway? access? more of the same stuff?
i looked at this movie called the island, from 2005 and scarlett johansson is 4 years old there
what is the point of reference
2001
they said to her we gonna cut you up hack up your organs big time and do something
and then you look at lucy from 2014 she's 13 by then and they had made an incision
she drank one glass of alcohol and everything went haywire, welcome to life, the bad joke
plus
that got me wondering what else happened in 2005, purely out of speculative interest
movies like the departed, winner for "craziest mess i ever seen" for realistic personnel damage
the island, winner for "craziest mess i ever seen" for damage to property, certain people included
(it also failed to rake in anything in the box office) and also "i KNOW jesus loves YOU" emphasis
need for speed most wanted 2005 for...uhm....damage control and i figured why not go for the pinks of this bald guy webster with his street racing c6 and have it intentionally impounded for cross the black street racer, so that he can give it to his white hot-ass police girlfriend as make-believe good policy because i don't like corvettes anyway and their texts indicate similar implications

hot white-ass confrotation
this clearly proves they even chase goons in the same car, not cool, man, not cool

crystalfarm45
Where do children come from? Once more, who comes from children?

Children come from idiots, vaccines and the educational system.
Paedophiles, dogs, priests and mothers alike, come from even watching them.
Many of these things should be theoretically banned already, unlike priests.

pax wrote:

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY DARK HUMOUR YOU MIGHT AS WELL FUCK OFF NOW! :p
there's pretty much something to offend pretty much everyone!
Now the idea behind this thread is for people to place the sickest, darkest, most politically incorrect jokes you can muster!
a thread where you can let rip the sickest jokes in your repertoire....
I shall give a few wee starters to give you an idea.
Q.What did the deaf, dumb, blind, downs syndrome, quadriplegic baby get for christmas?
A.Cancer
-
Did you know Michael Jackson is to attended the Priory Clinic after the trial to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit?
-
Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick.
Boss:- How sick are you?
Me:- Well i am fucking my sister
-
Q.whats grey, square, sits and the end of your bed and takes the pisss?
A.kidney dialysis machine
-
Q. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head?
A. Partially disabled.
-
Q. What's the similarity between a carton of milk and a woman?
A. They both need their flaps pushed back before you can get to the
good bits.
-
Q. What's 14inchs long, purple and makes women scream?
A. Cot-death
-
Q.what's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth?
A. you can't gargle sand
-
In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.
Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
-
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
"You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour."
-
whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable?
Getting the wheelchair in the pot!
OK FOLKS! let rip! impress the fuck out me and gimme a laugh!

News just in from the politically correct:
These people believe, that children come from idiots, vaccines and the educational system.
Paedophiles, dogs, and mothers among them.
These people deserve to be on our shit-list, not our friends list.
We denounce, refute, and return them to the medical system where they belong, on the retrospective abortion queue.

Real fake news for everyone. See you in chemotherapy!

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