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Healthy Food Preservation

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mjoy1993
Healthy Food Preservation

12 jars of jam, 6 quarts more of tomatoes. Also did 4 experimental jars of pickled carrot, onion, jalapeno. I hope that works out... this weekend I have to do jalapeno jelly.
Anyone got canning going on? Looking for something different.

nibs
Canning is the top of a slippery slope...

...soon you will be canning and eating people! Canning is people!

Cease and repent!!

mjoy1993
Here are the step by step

Here are the step by step procedure, I guess you might need it. LOL

#1. Make sure the human meat is fresh. You don’t want to get sick. Keep the body on ice or if you have a large freezer, that will work well too. I’m not going to ask where or how you got the fresh human meat, but you might want to take that up with God, you sicko.

#2. Bleed the human by cutting various veins and arteries in the neck. Do this over a large tub as not to make a mess. Blood stains can be pretty hard to get out, but seeing as how you’re seriously deranged, I’m guessing you know that.

#3. Remove extremities. When we buy a rack of lamb at the grocery store, the butcher doesn’t keep the rotting skull attached to it, because that shit is mondo gross, right? If we can’t see the head, the feet or the hands, we can disconnect ourselves from what we’re actually eating. You don’t want to look up halfway through your meal and think, oh right, I’m eating Todd.

#3. Gut him/her. Most of the guts you probably won’t want to eat, but feel free to put aside those organs that you do want to consume. That’s just a tip for all you liver and onions lovers. Really though, if you can seriously follow these instructions and not feel the least bit queasy, you should be disgusted with your obvious lack of morals and ethics, but on the other hand, be very impressed with your cast iron stomach. Kudos.

#4. Identify and separate your cuts of meat. To do this, think of regular types of meat, like chicken or beef. The legs are drumsticks, the arms are the wings, the breasts are the breasts. Ribs are ribs, rump is rump. The cuts of meat are right in the name. Neato. The cops are going to find you and put you away for a long time. You know that, right?

#5. Cook the meat. Depending on how large or small of a man Todd was, cooking time will vary. We recommend using a large BBQ or a roasting box to cook the meat, but if it fits, the oven works well too. Season as you would with other types of meat, you know, the easily accessibly legal types of meat available from your local grocer.

#5. Invite your friends over and enjoy. With most barbecued meat, a beer or glass of red wine makes the perfect companion. Just don’t be surprised if your friends run screaming from your backyard.

nibs
I can (pardon the pun) neither confirm nor deny that...

...I can people.

mjoy1993
Now that's really creepy.

Now that's really creepy.

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