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Issues with my wife
10-29-2010, 11:55 AM, (This post was last modified: 10-29-2010, 11:56 AM by junebug0000.)
#1
Issues with my wife
I have a wonderful wife and she is pregnant and I have just one problem. Ever since she and I got together, she never really went into detail about how she felt about things. We have a lot in common and she is my best friend. However, she never tells me details about how she feels about things and it makes me nuts. When I ask how an event was, she always responds with one word answers. Since she is pregnant, it is so important for her to not be stressed out all the time. However, she won't talk about things, which is the problem, or part of the reason why she is stressed out. I am always there for her and I just want her to feel better and I want her to be happy and have less stress. What can I do to get her to open up to me?
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10-29-2010, 12:16 PM,
#2
RE: Issues with my wife
Well if you ask her a question and she always answers with one word answers, you have a bigger problem. She has lost respect for you, so much is obvious.

Quote:I am always there for her and I just want her to feel better and I want her to be happy and have less stress. What can I do to get her to open up to me?

And it sure seems like you are the problem. It's obvious you're way too much focused on her, how she feels, what she needs, her happiness etc. Just from the few lines you wrote here it sure looks like you're smothering her. You're a control freak. Even your question 'what can I do to make her open up to me' shows that you are leaving her absolutely no space.
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10-29-2010, 12:40 PM,
#3
Heart  RE: Issues with my wife
Congratulations!

You know your wife better than I do. I am far from an expert on human relations but I'll interject since you went and put yourself out there.

Plan and suggest something to do together that you both like that isn't too detached like a movie where a giant screen is competing for her attentions.

If she won't talk about things with you, forcing the issue will not help you. It may just do the opposite if you pull a sad puppy dog routine. Don't blame yourself - hormones are out of wack.

Use this time and make some alone time to develop and express yourself. Just be positive.

Communication can exist in many forms - be creative. Write a note on fogged glass. Play a board game. Build a Lego sculpture. Grow a plant. It shouldn't be about her at first make it about communication overall.

Acknowledge her but respect her space. Be approachable and available for when she does want to open up. It has to be voluntary on her part.

Inviting a 3rd party stranger providing a prodding physiological analysis into your relationship with a one hour time limit isn't the best setting. Especially when their is a financial incentive to keep the sessions going for a long as possible.

Don't do the marriage counselling thing unless she absolutely insists on it. Then take her out and do something real.

Love005
There are no others, there is only us.
http://FastTadpole.com/
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10-29-2010, 01:22 PM,
#4
RE: Issues with my wife
(10-29-2010, 12:16 PM)Hans Olo Wrote: Well if you ask her a question and she always answers with one word answers, you have a bigger problem. She has lost respect for you, so much is obvious.

Quote:I am always there for her and I just want her to feel better and I want her to be happy and have less stress. What can I do to get her to open up to me?

And it sure seems like you are the problem. It's obvious you're way too much focused on her, how she feels, what she needs, her happiness etc. Just from the few lines you wrote here it sure looks like you're smothering her. You're a control freak. Even your question 'what can I do to make her open up to me' shows that you are leaving her absolutely no space.

I don't think caring about someone is considered being a control freak...

As for the other poster, I have written notes. Part of the problem is that she respects me too much. Let me explain, I am the leader in everything, which sounds great for some guys, but I get tired of leading. I get tired of constantly having to ask questions and start things. I want her to start conversations too. I would never consider a relationship specialist or something like that. I believe that all relationships will always take work. Nothing will ever be perfect and I am fine with that, I just think that things would always be better is we communicated more.

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10-29-2010, 06:13 PM,
#5
RE: Issues with my wife
(10-29-2010, 12:40 PM)FastTadpole Wrote: Inviting a 3rd party stranger providing a prodding physiological analysis into your relationship with a one hour time limit isn't the best setting. Especially when their is a financial incentive to keep the sessions going for a long as possible.

Don't do the marriage counseling thing unless she absolutely insists on it. Then take her out and do something real.

Love005
As always great advice... going to the sheep doctor is always a no no cause if your here they will say your the problem (guy), doctors for the most part support the system and in doing so the dumbing down and softening of the folks in there care. It could be too that you rant bout shit she has no interest in... if she's not political ranting bout some law or politician will not be effective. I'd talk to her about her hobbies and likes, and no matter what she says no matter how wrong or stupid just smile and agree so she doesn't know how you truly feel about it. but from there now that you have communicated you can start to subtlety educate her or correct the mistaken ideology.

but i will agree that you sound like a bit of an Emo... dudes should not be so clingy, cause as much as you want closeness and what ever you call it now by being the 40% or less now your looking at up to 18 years (since she's prego) of hell if you give away the pants, i have lost several friends to there wives who later discard them and they return. All tell the same tail that they tried and tried but were miserable and now are lonley and lost.... don't get lost! Good Luck to you.

Remember Knowledge is the only thing THEY can't take from you, and Knowledge is Know how, and Know how is Power!!!

Live long and Prosper!!!! Have a plan beyond words, and worry not of why the storm is coming as to how you're going to survive in it!!!!

Deathanyl @gmail!!!!!!
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10-29-2010, 11:58 PM,
#6
RE: Issues with my wife
hormones are a bitch... just be thankful she isn't flipping out and starting arguments over nothing every 5 minutes. It is possible that she understands that she is hormonal and is keeping quiet because she knows that the crazy shit she's thinking and feeling is irrational because of the hormones, and she's trying to keep you from having to deal with it. My daughter's mother went completely bat-shit when she was pregnant. Count your blessings.
[Image: conspiracy_theory.jpg]
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11-01-2010, 01:50 PM,
#7
RE: Issues with my wife
Yeah she has more the depression type thing because of the pregnancy...I just hope it doesn't get too serious after the pregnancy...I have read horror stories about that. We started doing yoga together, so that helps with the depression a little...I thought I was done with snobby ass attitudes after puberty...why o why do hormones do this?
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11-02-2010, 05:31 AM,
#8
RE: Issues with my wife
The depression has been scientifically linked to a lack of the omega-3 fatty acid DHA. during pregnancy all of the DHA synthesized by the body or consumed goes directly to the fetus without passing go or collecting $200. If the intake of omega 3's isn't supplemented during pregnancy it can take up to 2 years to get levels back to normal. Jarrow brand makes an omega 3 supplement from fish oils completely free of heavy metals specifically to combat that kind of problem - its worth your while to invest in that for the whole family's sake, and having high levels of DHA during pregnany promotes optimal brain development in the baby.
[Image: conspiracy_theory.jpg]
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11-02-2010, 10:42 PM,
#9
RE: Issues with my wife
I am an American living in Europe. Doctors in the states say that most fish contain mercury. Here (Europe), it is totally different. I think chemical levels in foods is a different subject and we don't believe in pill form supplements. She eats quite a bit of foods in that category. It has also to do with changing hormones. I am not saying you're wrong, just that there's more than one reason for it. We got results back from the doc today and all is well. Exercise has shown in studies to fight depression.
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11-03-2010, 06:13 AM, (This post was last modified: 11-03-2010, 06:16 AM by Dunamis.)
#10
RE: Issues with my wife
Me and the mother of my two young children used to be in quite the same situation. I assure you, relax, and give things time, be there as MUCH as you possibly can during the pregnancy (running lots of hot baths, attending as many related appointments as possible [VERY IMPORTANT], attending to any strange food cravings) and of course, make sure you are her birthing partner.

All this will show how much you love her and can be a supportive partner. By literally going through as much as you can as a man, during the pregnancy of your partner, and doing so together, this alone will create the foundation for her to begin allowing you in.

Good luck, and congratulations. Both get as much sleep as you can...esp in the last two months, rest up and eat nutritionally.

See this GREAT torrent, watch it with your partner in fact, SERIOUSLY (I only just thought after typing the message:

Biology of Dads (2010) - http://concen.org/tracker/torrents-details.php?id=17794&hit=1

Freelech and seeded too!
"He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked." -- 1 John 2:6
"Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly... This is the interrelated structure of reality." -- Martin Luther King Jr.
"He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him." -- Proverbs 18:13
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -- Leo Tolstoy
"To love is to be vulnerable" -- C.S Lewis

The Kingdom of God is within you! -- Luke 17:20-21

https://duckduckgo.com/
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11-05-2010, 04:06 PM,
#11
RE: Issues with my wife
(10-29-2010, 11:55 AM)junebug0000 Wrote:
I have a wonderful wife and she is pregnant and I have just one problem. Ever since she and I got together, she never really went into detail about how she felt about things. We have a lot in common and she is my best friend. However, she never tells me details about how she feels about things and it makes me nuts. When I ask how an event was, she always responds with one word answers. Since she is pregnant, it is so important for her to not be stressed out all the time. However, she won't talk about things, which is the problem, or part of the reason why she is stressed out. I am always there for her and I just want her to feel better and I want her to be happy and have less stress. What can I do to get her to open up to me?



Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Cor 13:4

Just be patient with her. Explain how you feel and how much you want her to open up and truly be one with you.

Remember that you cannot change her. Just love her and be an example to her. You are the Husband so don't be surprised if you find yourself leading the way, even in regards to sharing emotions.

Positive examples in our lives are one of the best ways through which we receive the encouragement and motivation to become better.
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06-18-2011, 04:45 PM,
#12
RE: Issues with my wife
Quote:Issues with my wife

Every morning kick her on the head - like it is shown in the video below - to let her know it is time for her to fix you breakfast. That should de-scramble her brain the right way :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGx1vMYdLA
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06-18-2011, 07:11 PM,
#13
RE: Issues with my wife
I second Fasttadpoles post. Hans Olo, either you don't have kids, are a bad parent, or you are a shitty spouse. Preggers women have crazy hormones going on. All she needs is support. This is the the time to do whatever she says. In my opinion it is a short term bet for a long term pay off. She will remember your empathy and effort forever. if she wants to talk...listen. If she doesn't want to talk, respect that. I may sound like a "whipped" husband but it's great to be whipped. My wife needs me to get off the internet now. oh, btw, I caught our second baby(not planned) but it is something I would recommend. Congrats!!!
(11-03-2010, 06:13 AM)Dunamis Wrote: Me and the mother of my two young children used to be in quite the same situation. I assure you, relax, and give things time, be there as MUCH as you possibly can during the pregnancy (running lots of hot baths, attending as many related appointments as possible [VERY IMPORTANT], attending to any strange food cravings) and of course, make sure you are her birthing partner.

All this will show how much you love her and can be a supportive partner. By literally going through as much as you can as a man, during the pregnancy of your partner, and doing so together, this alone will create the foundation for her to begin allowing you in.

Good luck, and congratulations. Both get as much sleep as you can...esp in the last two months, rest up and eat nutritionally.

See this GREAT torrent, watch it with your partner in fact, SERIOUSLY (I only just thought after typing the message:

Biology of Dads (2010) - http://concen.org/tracker/torrents-details.php?id=17794&hit=1

Freelech and seeded too!

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06-19-2011, 12:12 PM,
#14
RE: Issues with my wife
Beyond hormones, that fact that this questions is being asked in such a timid manner to this web forum leaves me questioning the poster... Get off the computer and go chill with your wife, also, it seems to me that you are feeling a vibe or something and pushing her on this... the way your initial post read to me was as either 0 self esteem or subconsciously tripping.

Maybe your wife has something to hide and you sense it, or maybe you are just over-analyzing this shit.

I can tell you that you might want to consult some people that you might actually know and know your wife, because sitting around mashed up and asking questions of such pressing matters here, as your 54th post, seems a little real life reclusive... have you queried your WOW comrades?
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06-19-2011, 09:38 PM,
#15
RE: Issues with my wife
Nine months since the OP.

Things might have moved on, so to speak.

Just sayin'.
The three grand imperatives of imperial geostrategy are to prevent collusion and maintain security dependence among the vassals, to keep tributaries pliant and protected, and to keep the barbarians from coming together. Zbig the Ruthless.
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