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Some Humor...
12-08-2007, 01:11 AM,
#1
Some Humor...
[Image: attachment.gif] The Way you Sleep AFTER...

After Two Beers...
[Image: attachment1.jpg]


After Three Glasses of Wine...
[Image: attachment2.jpg]


After Four Kamikazes...
[Image: attachment3.jpg]


After a Few Margaritas...
[Image: attachment4.jpg]


After 2 Bottles of Jack Daniels
[Image: attachment5.jpg]


And, after an evening of Two Beers, Three Wines, Four Kamikazes, Margaritas, and that Bottle of Jack shared with those Friends in Mexico...
[Image: attachment6.jpg]
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
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12-08-2007, 01:12 AM,
#2
Some Humor...
It's Always Been Done Like That...

Start with a cage containing five apes.

In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.

After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it.

Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?

Because that's the way they've always done it, and that's the way it's always been around here.

And that's how company policy begins....
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
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12-08-2007, 01:13 AM,
#3
Some Humor...
lmao! I love you man!
Revolt Blog - Back for '08!

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12-08-2007, 01:17 AM,
#4
Some Humor...
Prison -vs- Work

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10x10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
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12-08-2007, 01:18 AM,
#5
Some Humor...
In A Mental Hospital...

A Sadist, a Masochist, a Murderer, a Necrophile, a Zoophile and a Pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a Mental Institution, bored out of their minds...

"How about having Sex with a Cat?" asked the Zoophile.

"Let's have Sex with the Cat, and then Torture it," says the Sadist.

"Let's have Sex with the Cat, Torture it and then Kill it," shouted the Murderer.

"Let's have Sex with the Cat, Torture it, Kill it and then have Sex with it again," said the Necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the Cat, Torture it, Kill it, have Sex with it again and then burn it," said the Pyromaniac.

Silence took over... and the Masochist says: "Meow."
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
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12-08-2007, 01:19 AM,
#6
Some Humor...
The Tragedy

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a Primary School Class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy".

So the illustrious Reverend Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a 'tragedy'?"

No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "That would be an 'accident'..."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a 'tragedy'?"

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Sharpton. "That's what we would call a 'great loss'..."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered.

Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a 'tragedy'?"

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a 'tragedy'?"

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!"
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
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12-08-2007, 01:20 AM,
#7
Some Humor...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/openmindopen...s/message/19512

Murphy's Other Laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
Reply
12-08-2007, 01:21 AM,
#8
Some Humor...
The Penis

I, The Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
  • I do physical labor.<>
    [st]
    • I work at great depths.<>
      [st]
      • I plunge headfirst into everything I do.<>
        [st]
        • I do not get weekends or holidays off.<>
          [st]
          • I work in a damp environment.<>
            [st]
            • I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.<>
              [st]
              • I work in high temperatures.<>
                [st]
                • My work exposes me to contagious diseases.<>
                  [st]
                  Sincerely, The Penis



                  Dear Penis:

                  After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, The Administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
                  • You do not work eight hours straight.<>
                    [st]
                    • You fall asleep after brief work periods.<>
                      [st]
                      • You do not always follow the orders of the Management Team.<>
                        [st]
                        • You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.<>
                          [st]
                          • You do not take initiative.<>
                            [st]
                            • You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.<>
                              [st]
                              • You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift.<>
                                [st]
                                • You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.<>
                                  [st]
                                  • You will retire well before you are 65.<>
                                    [st]
                                    • You are unable to work double shifts.<>
                                      [st]
                                      • You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned tasks.<>
                                        [st]
                                        • And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.<>
                                          [st]
                                          Sincerely, The Management
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
Reply
12-08-2007, 01:23 AM,
#9
Some Humor...
Why Parents Drink...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter:

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and You. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and She is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, and tattoos, and tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that Marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for Cocaine and Ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you... Call me when it's safe to come home.
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
Reply
12-08-2007, 01:58 AM,
#10
Some Humor...
Some Scientist Jokes:

The Jeep Ride
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are
on a photo-safari in Africa. They drive out into the savannah in their
jeep, stop and scour the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle:
a white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebras! We'll be famous!"

The statistician:
"It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra"

The mathematician:
"Actually, we know there exists a zebra which is white on one side"

The computer scientist:
"Oh no! A special case!"

One plus One
A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are being interviewed for a
job. In each case, the interview goes along famously until the last
question is asked: "How much is one plus one?"

Each of them suspects a trap, and is hesitant to answer.

The mathematician thinks for a moment, and says "I'm not sure, but
I think it converges".

The physicist says "I'm not sure, but I think it's on the order of one"

The engineer gets up, closes the door to the office, and says "How much
do you want it to be?".

The House
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe
watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side
of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be
empty again."

The Human Body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
Revolt Blog - Back for '08!

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12-08-2007, 03:40 AM,
#11
Some Humor...
[Image: attachment1.jpg]

[Image: attachment2.jpg]

[Image: attachment3.jpg]

[Image: attachment4.jpg]

[Image: attachment5.jpg]

[Image: attachment6.jpg]
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
Reply
12-08-2007, 05:12 AM,
#12
Some Humor...
Oh Jesus Christ! lmao
Revolt Blog - Back for '08!

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12-08-2007, 06:24 PM,
#13
Some Humor...
Interesting thread
gave me an idea for RCC tomorrow
The InfoUnderground
TiU Radio
http://www.TheInfoUnderground.com
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12-08-2007, 06:44 PM, (This post was last modified: 12-08-2007, 06:46 PM by ephilution.)
#14
Some Humor...
Funny fuckers :biggrin: I'm less enthusiastic about the idea of feeding animals alcoholic beverages though....
General Brainquirks:http://1phil4everyill.wordpress.com

Mind control imbued by movies:http://predictiveprogramminginmovies.blogspot.com

Movers and Shakers of the SMOM:http://moversandshakersofthesmom.blogspot...identity.html
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12-09-2007, 11:13 PM,
#15
Some Humor...
http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/re...x/message/68324

Zen of Life

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It is always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum
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