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Earth Cooling
02-25-2008, 12:33 AM,
Earth Cooling

Quote:RESTON, Virginia — Dr. Hugo Whitehead of the United States Geologic Survey isn’t happy with the department, and the department doesn’t seem to be very happy with him, either.

Dr. Whitehead was, as of a few days ago, the lead scientist in a new technique based on the analysis of the velocities of seismic waves recorded since the beginning of digital seismic data collection. The project, known as the Rotating Epicyclic Calibration for Temperature Analog Localization (RECTAL), has come to the conclusion the interior of the Earth is cooling off, and cooling off at a much faster rate than deemed possible by geologic science.

“It could not be any clearer to me what this means,” says Whitehead. “I can’t say this as an employee of the U.S. government, and I can’t say this as a scientist, but I can say this as a Christian. It means that Hell is freezing over. It’s time for everyone to wake up and smell the coffee!”

Whitehead contends that the USGS was attempting to suppress the data even before it reached peer review for validation, so he took the data straight to the public.

It is probably no surprise that the department wasn’t particularly pleased. He is now on administrative leave for making the results public.

“When I went to work the next day, my access card had been shut off and security threw me off property.” Morosely, Whitehead added, “They wouldn’t even give me my moo-cow pencil cup from off of my desk. I’ve had that cup since Los Alamos.”

The concern is that the temperature at the Earth’s core is dropping dramatically, from it’s temperature of roughly 4000 degrees Kelvin, or 6700 degrees Fahrenheit, in 2006. According to the RECTAL data, the Earth’s core has been dropping about 1300 degrees Fahrenheit annually beginning as of last year, and will reach roughly the freezing temperature of water in the year … 2012.

Asked about the cause, Whitehead waxes philosophical: “I can’t speak for the Department, and I can’t speak for any of my peers, because they put a sock in my mouth every time I try — and some of those have been pretty nasty. But it is my belief that this is a sign of the End Times, and God has opened the the Abyss and freed the devil from his captivity.”

Asked to explain the connection with the Earth’s core cooling off, Whitehead snorted. “I know this sounds like lunacy to most folks, and naturally I can’t prove this through scientific method, but where do you think Hell would be, boy? There are times you just have to put Science aside.

“But besides whatever I believe is happening, the core of the Earth will be frozen solid in a few years. The data are irrefutable.”

“The data are refutable,” says Clarence Null, Acting Co-Assistant Deputy Director of the Geologic Survey. “I refute them now. See? They can be refuted.” When asked about Dr. Whitehead’s administrative leave, Null commented: “I have been directed by counsel to refrain on commenting on Dr. Whitehead’s status, but I will tell you that the old coot is nuttier than a fruitcake, and he has an ego the size of Mount Rushmore.

“This … really dumb act of his to take these unverified results directly to the people is utterly irresponsible. This could cause mass panic for absolutely no reason. Even a Republican would understand that mass panic should only be unleashed on solid evidence.”

Dr. Dwayne Plug, co-supervisor of the RECTAL project, is not so dismissive. “I have been directed to not speak about the data, but any idiot knows that scientists have egos the size of Mt. Rushmore and never do what they’re told. Null has been with the department for seventeen years. He ought to realize that by now.”

And about the data?

“I handled some of the verifications myself. We have only begun to suggest modeling to determine what the cause is.”

When asked if there was any evidence to support the suggestion made by Russia Academician Erik Molotov that the heat of the Earth was draining into a black hole — which would then pull the Earth in as well — Plug said: “I was directed not to comment on that also. I will say that after I heard this idea I soiled myself. Uh, would you keep that last statement off the record, please?”

Whitehead, however, is adamant. “The only black holes in the picture are between the ears of Academician Molotov and in the heads of those … young punks who are trying to get me fired.”

Does the Earth’s core reaching freezing point in 2012, the last year on the Mayan calendar, have any significance?

Whitehead disregards the suggestion. “It means the Mayans died out before they could make a new calendar. What is it supposed to mean?”

He does, however, point at a number of disturbing coincidences:

* House Bill HR 8552, The IRS Dissolution and National Flat Tax Implementation Act, is scheduled for a vote in mid-March;
* Steve Jobs has been seen socially with Bill Gates;
* Larry King is considering celibacy;
* Israel is throwing in the towel and, starting next week, is moving to upstate New York;
* A man 119 years old, fitting the description and answering the name of Adolph Hitler was discovered in Argentina three months ago. When told about Dr. Whitehead’s conclusions, he responded that he was pretty happy about that.

What should we expect, scientifically speaking?

“Oh, Lord. Since the inside of the Earth is cooling down, it will shrink slightly on a planetary scale, but this will have an enormous effect at our level. We’re talking about earthquakes that will split continents and tsunamis that will drown what’s left.

“Obviously the energy of this heat has to be going somewhere. It makes some sense to me that at least some of this may be the cause of global warming.”

When asked if the assertion, made by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that global warming is inversely proportional to the number of pirates in existence, Whitehead retorted: “Oh, don’t get me started on those idiots.”

And what about your career with the USGS?

“That’s the last thing I’m worrying about. Have you made your peace with your Creator, young man? No? Then, sir, I would suggest you put that fat head of yours between your knees and whisper to your caboose that it’s been delightful knowing it.”

© 2008, by Daniel Brenton. All Rights Reserved.

• • •

Give me the judgment of balanced minds in preference to laws every time. Codes and manuals create patterned behavior. All patterned behavior tends to go unquestioned, gathering destructive momentum.
- Darwi Odrade
02-25-2008, 06:19 AM,
Earth Cooling
Thanks Nik. I like the posts. Some new stuff to me.

One thing is for certain, the future can be unpredictable. That said, I can put more weight behind the cooling issue for now. Even if that is incorrect I fail to see how 'warming' will actually hurt us?

Give me the judgment of balanced minds in preference to laws every time. Codes and manuals create patterned behavior. All patterned behavior tends to go unquestioned, gathering destructive momentum.
- Darwi Odrade

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