I tripped last night
So, an acquiantance procured some salvia for me for my 25th birthday, coming up soon here, and I partook of the divine sage that evening. These are the events that followed.
I broke the Golden Rule, in retrospect. In my naive mind I was simply encouraging someone to expand their perceptions of reality when in fact I had coerced a pair of mentally-unprepared individuals into a dramatic and perhaps much too powerful warp in awarness. In any event, three individuals were coming off of their trip when I began mine. They were wrenching themselves out of the experience out of self-consciousness and fear. Undetered I asked the salvia to make contact and I took a hit.
Immediately, the world seemed to spin, and spiral, collapsing inward while simulatenously not altering the fundamental perception of legitimate three-dimensional space. I'm viewing this undulating, self-collapsing, spiralling mass that is my eye-perception of the universe, my room in the apartment in this context, as if I am viewing it from a non-eye point of observation some distance back from behind my head. It wasn't that I could see me, or my head, it was a perception of seeing with the eyes from my natural position, but perceiving the universe and literally being some distance back from my head. Since my position was back but my eye-sight remained the same, it was as if I was viewing it through a keyhole, where the image was in the center of my perception and surrounding it was a haze. This haze existed only in the sense that there was this black void of non-existence. And all the time this perception of the universe, the legitimate existing reality seen by my eyes, spun wildly with repetitive blinking waves of the same image produced from the void in a two-dimensional, "flipping pages" sort of animation.
And all the while I have this overwhelming sense of wonder at what I am percieving, when I sense and intuitively know that there are two other beings, sentient intelligences, there with me. What I know about these creatures is that they exist in a completely different state of being and exist in a fundamentally connected but also fundamentally different manner. I think the largest difference between our sentience and theirs is the presence of self-determination and free will. These beings seemed bound to their duties in my interaction with them, and they reacted to me in a way I can best describe as the urban legend goes regarding the British Grenadier Guards in their tall, black hats and red uniforms. Intelligent, thinking, regimented, prohibited beings, capable of interaction but hesitant to do so. But I also felt a feeling of camaraderie I haven't felt in a long time, since grade school, with these things. It was the feeling you get when you are in on a prank or misdeed. While this two dimensional page flipping was occurring, I kept wanting to interrupt the mechanics of this duplication. I wanted to jam a wrench in the machine and fuck up the processes. I specifically wanted to interact with the immense, bright energy that appeared at the very edge of existence and non-existence. I remember being told in my mind "if you do that it will destroy the universe" and yet I toyed with the brink haphazardly, with Loki-like incredulity. These other beings there were not the origin of the voice that remanded me, but instead were equally inferior to the disembodied authority. They too took some pleasure in my insensitivities to the peculiarities of their existence. My attempts to casually destroy the universe, though clearly futile and inept, were at the least entertaining. And so I felt like I did as a child, united against authority, in the pursuit of fun.
Quickly though this feeling changed. I felt the intelligence get instantly angry with me. In a different way than my nuisance-like behavior earlier in my perceptions. Now the others who had smoked were distraught, chatting nervously about their experiences, and walking about the apartment. The trip became overwhelmingly disapproving. I was ejected from my perception. I was cut-off from the other sentiences. I felt an overwhelming feeling of having done wrong and the feeling you get when you know you have been caught but have not yet faced up to the punishment. I thought I had to leave. I immediately attempted to perceive the room and squawked bizarre croaks out to my roommates, now in other rooms. I attempted to see the floor so I could put my feet down. I saw hundreds, thousands, of golden crystalline energy structures, like playing card diamonds, spread throughout the surface of everything, but I was cognizant enough to stumble to the bathroom to blow my nose, as I've had an epic cold for almost two weeks now. By now my perception of reality was returning and I could still see, though the visions tried to manifest themselves almost angrily and a feeling of prickly pins and needles crawled over my skin. I made it to my roommates to ask hurriedly if we had to leave, and where we were going and how soon. I still felt that I was in big trouble and had done very bad things. I realized in retrospect that I had instantly forgotten that I had taken salvia and was keenly unaware of myself or my trip. My thoughts and emotions were completely dissociated with my real life.
It took a long time for this to sink in. I had to lay down and think about what had happened for many hours.
I still don't know what to think.
&We grow to recognize form. We grow to label that form. In doing so, do we become more intelligent? Do we become more awakened?& - Siji Tzu 四季子